In Summary

I thought for a while about how to end this blog with something profound or revelatory, accompanied with panpipes. I then realised that it would almost certainly come out sounding cringy and fatuous. So in the best traditions of GCSE essay writing I have decided to summarise the entire year in five paragraphs and let you draw your own conclusions.

We have been away for 335 days in total. We spent 521 hours on buses of varying sizes and quality, and every journey was an hour longer than it was meant to be. We have travelled a total of 15, 500 miles by bus through eight countries. We spent the night in 51 different cities, of which seven were capitals. We have 25 new stamps in our passports. I have 103 new friends on Facebook. I have drunk 32 new kinds of beer and approximately the same number of red wines. I recommend the 2007 Malbec. I have experienced several Top Ten hangovers but only vomited once (Panamanian Rum in Ecuador).

I have eaten llama and alpaca, raw fish ceviche, chicken foot soup and barbecued cows intestines. I have had to stop the bus in the middle of a Bolivian town at 3am and leave a cowpat in the middle of the road. We have been nearly mugged on three occasions, twice on the same day, never successfully. I have lost 15lbs, four pairs of sunglasses, a cardigan, two hairbands and a pair of flipflops. I have successfully disintegrated countless numbers of socks. I have darned my pants back together an average of once a week for the last three months. I can remember 5 words in Quechua and none of them is 'beer'. My bra is held together with patches cannibalised from an old sock. My backpack smells like an animal's nest. I have acquired one fiancé, two engagement rings and an excellent set of religious fridge magnets. Chris and I have had two arguments. We agreed last night that the score was 1-1.

I have watched the most boring game of football ever played at the Bombanera in Buenos Aires. I have watched Arsenal on ESPN more than any Fulham fan should have to. I have played 780 hands of gin rummy and won about 50% although I am currently on a four day losing streak. I have been bitten by a toucan, a monkey, a llama and approximately forty thousand mosquitoes. This, incidentally, is the same number of times I have watched the film Stepbrothers.

I have been to eight places which claim to be one of the (new) Seven Wonders of the World. I have swum in three rivers, washed my hair in a waterfall, and paddled in two oceans. To my knowledge I have not picked up a parasite or been eaten by a shark. I have been craving chicken kievs since March. I know who to make pebre (but not how to spell it) and a poultice for snakebite using jungle plants. I have reached an altitude of 5003m and a latitude of 54 degrees south. I have not balanced an egg on the Equator but I can spot the upside down llama in the Milky Way. The Animatronic Resurrection at Tierra Santa is two thirds of the size of the Cristo Redentor in Rio de Janeiro. I have found money in the street in all eight countries- the best return being five bolivianos which I spent on a Toblerone.

I have also written 46 blog posts from South America and you have now reached the end of them. I have had a rather great year. I hope you have too. Thanks for reading xx